Leaving, retiring, resigning, quitting, whatever you want to call it. After this Friday, my primary employment will be as a Mom.
All of you who know me can probably guess how hard this decision was for me. SVU has been part of my identity since 2003, first as a student, but for the majority of time (strangely enough) I've been an employee. To think that I'll no longer have to worry about retention, recruitment, or budget crunches is just weird. Part of me actually enjoys thinking about that kind of stuff. I like to have projects and improve things, and for weeks my mind has been abuzz with ideas for the summer and fall and possible improvements in the residence life department. The plan was to keep going until at least the end of the summer, after Logan was done with the academy and had gotten into his "real" routine with the police department.
But, as with everything in life, plans change. I hit a snag that made me re-examine my "balance" of mom and employee, and after fighting the thought for all of last weekend, I realized that the spirit was trying to tell me it was time to let go. It was SO HARD to admit that to myself. To realize that I wouldn't be implementing all of my plans and ideas for the university, and that I would no longer have a say in the direction it goes, was heart wrenching. My vanity also hated to admit that I might be replaceable...or that the university would possibly have the gall to survive my departure...or even be better for it...
But this is the right decision. I look at my little boys, and how fast they're growing up, and how desperately Tommy needs a routine (especially if I ever want him to stop wearing a diaper), and I know it's the right thing. It will be a weird adjustment, but it'll ultimately be a good one.
But it still feels weird. And sad.
Friday is my last day "in office." I'll probably still do some side work for the university until they figure out exactly where my different responsibilities are going (some of it is being delegated to other departments) but pretty soon things will be winding down.
And pretty soon Logan and I will know more about what's happening in Lexington than we will about what's happening on the Hill. How odd.
Emms, I am sure it was soo hard. I know how much you love the excitment of working in the Uninversity. You will be so blessed for deciding to stay home, it can be hard and the only real validation you will recieve is those cute boys and the memories you will make with them. It does go so very fast and I am glad you will have more time to enjoy it!! There is nothing that can replace you for them but when it comes to a job you are always replaceable!!!I know you will be a great stay at home mom, look at it as an adventure some new task. The great thing about kids is they love structure and rutine and you can give them to them in spades or spreadsheets;) Go crazy and have fun!!
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you Memms:)
ReplyDeleteAs a mom you are totally irreplaceable. As a wife you are totally irreplaceable. As a daughter of God you are completely unique and irreplaceable. You'll be a fantastic S.A.H.M. It's the adventure of a lifetime! Welcome to the crazylife!!
This made me really sad when I read it. WE're going to miss working with you. :(
ReplyDeleteGood for you Emilie!! (I found your blog through Christy's.) Good luck with the awesome change. I can't believe you've got kids. Aren't you still, like, 15? haha
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the big change, I'm sure it will be a hard change. I really like what Hope said in her comment--even though I don't know who that is. I'm sure your boys will be loving the change:)
ReplyDeleteI need to call you and see how you are doing. I know how hard this was for you, and I am so glad that you were able to feel the confirmation of the Holy Ghost so that you can have the conviction to do this and feel at peace about it. You will be helped and strengthened to do what you need to do, and be given ways to do what you ant to do! I love you!
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